Emotional, Word, and Literal Vomit!
I was diagnosed 3 years ago and hadn't really dealt with it. I cried the day I found out...and when I broke the news to my siblings...and here and there from frustration but every time I would be yelling at myself in my head to stop being weak. To not let it break me or make me sad. That I was fine and would beat this and to not let it break me. But I'm not gonna beat this and I needed to let it break me... After the anger and frustration started to lift I realized that it was grief and sadness that I was holding onto and burying. Of course I was angry and frustrated but not nearly as bad as I thought. I was forced to try more and ask for help which was not as bad as I thought it would be. I realized how much I stopped doing for myself and all together and how much I had turned away from everyone and into myself. So I decided fuck it! In an effort to really let go and find that optimistic.. strong...adventurous..unembarrassed...outgoing..funny ..vulgar..easy going...mouth ...